PITY PARTY

I hesitate to do this post because it is for sure a poor pitiful me post and I am blessed so greatly I hate to whine but I need to and Aaron is sick so he is sleeping and when he wakes up he will be whining so here I go. I am TIRED! Not just regular tired but slap give out (which means REALLY TIRED) as we like to say in AL. All our TX friends are laughing now! I am ill too. No, not sick-ILL!!! My TX friends are once again laughing. After we had been here a few months I told a couple of my friends at work that I was ill and they were like well what's wrong with you and I was like I'm just ill! Finally after I figured out they were not understanding me I realized they thought I meant I was sick-no just ill and they love to immitate me saying ill as well. Who would have thought there would be such language barriers between AL and TX-let me assure you that there is and it has nothing to do with Spanish! People from AL think people from TX would speak like us-uh no. Except for our friend Moon Pie (that should say enough) people here just don't talk like you think Texans would. He is from West TX so maybe that is the difference. In my first job at the Seminary I worked with a girl from Idaho. She meant so much to me and was so... helpful in our transition to TX and Seminary life but you can imagine some of the conversations we had. We both spent a lot of time saying what did you just say! HA! Love you, Alana!!! OK, so now I have greatly digressed from my original topic. I am good at that! It makes me feel better to ramble! I am just in a yucky mood. My 3rd dear sweet daughter with those lovely curls is about to get the best of me. For real, she is! Man, she is a hand ful. #1 I think I forgot what this stage is like. # 2 she is way more defiant at this stage than Elleigh or Sallie which totally scares me to death because Elleigh is very defiant now so I am thinking I am really in for it when Lizzie reaches the pre-teen stage! She keeps me on my toes-all the time. Unless she is sleeping, I am chasing her! Today in Wal-Mart I was pulling at my pants to keep them up (which is not a bad thing) and I thought why are my pants so big and then I thought heck I am running out of them-literally! Millie is a sweet baby-such a sweet baby but babies are work and I am tired. Have I told you that I am tired??? My milk supply had decreased drastically this week and I can't seem to get it back up which has forced me to give Millie formula to keep her satisfied and now she is liking that and especially the speed which she can suck the bottle vs. nursing. I do not want to stop nursing right now so I am upset about that. Still trying but not sure what will happen. Maybe things will improve soon. Sallie is going through an unusual stage for her. She is quite clingy and jeolous. She is very in need of attention. Her actions are very typical of what I know about middle children. I think it is strange that we are just now seeing it but we are. I try to be so aware of each one of their individual needs so the fact that she is acting this way is adding lots of stress. Another strange thing, she is so attached to her daddy but all of a sudden she is all over me. She wants do be touching me all the time. So, I spend lots of time now with Millie, Lizzie, and Sallie in my lap! Lizzie and Sallie fight all the time lately. They are both very jeolous of each other and each wants what the other has. Elleigh is not physically demanding on me but very emotionally demanding. She is at the age of lots of change and she has had lots of change in her life in the past few years and that makes it even more difficult. Pre-teens-whew! Just let me say until you have been there as a mother I just can't explain it. They really become a different person! I want her to be everything God wants her to be and I want to help her get through this phase. I just need a lot of patience-bottom line! I forget sometimes too that she still needs lots of attention as well. I get so busy doing for the little ones but she quickly lets me know what I need to do for her! My house is a disaster! It has been that way since Millie was born and it keeps getting worse. To begin with I said well I have a newborn and it will get better. She is 3 months old and I am still trying to get on top of things in the house and just can't get a grip on it. I thought being home I could keep the house cleaner. Well, just let me say that was crazy! It is much more of a mess now. We are here all day every day making a mess and eating every meal here and it is basically impossible to clean while they are awake and I am simply to exhausted to do it after they go to bed. Plus I spend a lot of my day teaching Elleigh. Laundry is another story! It is never caught up! Making the decision for me to stay home was the best decision no doubt. I love being with them every day and getting to be a part of every milestone. I think to myself so many times that I wish I had been home with them sooner. I am just tired! I think I have alread said that! A friend of mine who also stays home with her kids revealed some of these same feelings to me this week so I know I am not alone. I am just wanting some relief and there is none! How often I think if I could just have one day with no one here I could get this house in order. Well, that's not going to happen so I got to improvise. I love these babies so much and I know one day I will wish that I had a mess to clean up or a fight to break up or a lapful of sweet girls or a diaper to change (well probably not that) but I just need to focus on the blessings they are to me. I will be in AL in about 5 weeks so I do have lots to look forward to. I think I feel better. I just threw myself a pity party and I decided what good things I am going to focus on. Got to go wake up A so he can write a paper that is due tomorrow. That is another thing-the stresses of Seminary. All the Seminary wives who are reading this are shouting AMEN! We were looking at things last night and from here on out he has a tough tough schedule. A MDiv is 99 hours! He could have nearly 3 master's degrees in something else by the time he finishes. However, as he reminded me last night-God told him to get this degree. I told him they needed to talk about that and he said oh we have! WE WILL SURVIVE! This may officially be the longest blog post in history and yes I should be cleaning or sleeping but this is much more therapeutic! Thanks for listening!