THANKFUL for Thanksgiving!

I know this post is late and I have some pics of our Thanksgiving but I do not have the time or energy to try and get this computer to upload them so... you get a post without pics. First of all we did have a great time of spending time with each other and LOTS of food! The first few holidays we were not with family were so hard for me (and I still get very homesick on holidays) but after a couple of holidays of sitting around feeling sorry for myself I thought I just have to make the best of this. It is what it is and this is not fair to Aaron or to the girls or to myself for that matter so we started our own traditions and we all look forward to those every year. It is much better than sitting around crying all day!!! So, this Thanksgiving was no different. We did not have guests this year (which I missed) but we just relaxed and wore our comfy clothes (and no makeup!).

One of our traditions each Thanksgiving is to make a list of the things we are most thankful for that particular year. It is a time for us to stop and be thankful and to realize just how much we have to be thankful for. This year this tradition meant more to me than it ever has. It has been a tough month or so. I haven't mentioned anything because I just haven't been able to talk about it. I wrote on here a while back that we had taken Sallie for a speech evaluation and received very good news. The therapist thought 6 months of therapy a couple of times a week and we should be good to continue therapy at home and all would be well. A little over a week after that appt I received a call on a Thurs. nt from the speech therapist. There had been a mix-up with Sallie's files and another child's hearing tests had gotten in Sallie's file. So, she was basing everything on those tests in giving her plan for therapy and the future. She informed me that Sallie was not hearing about 1/2 of the consonants (aided) which means if she can't hear them she probably will never be able to say them. She said that we needed to proceed with a total communication approach (using sign, verbal communication, and possibly devices to allow her to communicate with us). I have to tell you I was numb. I told her I did not understand why we had never been told this before, etc. I really do not remember a lot of the conversation after that point but I did tell her we needed to talk in person. So the next week A and I went to meet with the speech therapist and the audiologist. The night I got the call I completely lost it. I have not been that torn apart in a really long time. I felt that all the hope I had for her had been snatched from me and that everything we had worked so hard for was all in vain. I spent a lot of time just telling the Lord how I felt about it all. As usual, because our Lord is wonderful and He gave me Aaron to share this responsibility, Aaron was holding it together. I am always amazed that we lose it at different times. The Lord gives us each other to be strong for the other because if we were both a mess at the same time things would really be bad! For the next week although I did think about our meeting often I did not dwell on it and I think handled that time pretty well. However, on the way to the meeting was a different story. That was a very hard drive for me. We got to the meeting and it went really well considering what we were being told. They told us they were not giving up on Sallie. The deal is that her latest tests are showing she is not hearing a lot of the consonants that are necessary for speech that is good enough for communication. The change from the past is that it very likely that when they removed everything from the middle ear it has affected her hearing negatively. She is wearing much higher powered aids now and is responding so much better but it still could be that there are a lot of speech sounds she simply is not getting. The issue is her testing is obviously from behavioral responses and we are not sure how accurate that is. They both were very sensitive with us but factual. Aaron lost it several times which in turn caused them to nearly lose it. I mean the dad is sitting there crying and telling you how badly he wants everything for her, it is heart breaking. A BAHA (bone anchored hearing aid) is a possibility however the audiologist does not seem to think she will benefit more from the BAHA. It is a surgically implanted device and of course insurance does not cover it. We applied for insurance to cover it one time in the past and it was denied. There is what they call a temporary BAHA which they wear on the outside and the audiologist is beginning the process of getting insurance to cover that. This would be for her to use any time she is not able to wear her aids. If we need this and insurance will not cover it I know Sallie will get it somehow. The Lord has provided in great ways time and time again and I just am not going to stress over this one. If she needs it, HE will make it happen! We also have testing scheduled to try and see if she would benefit from the BAHA as well as some more extensive testing to determine exactly what sounds she is or is not hearing. We greatly appreciate your prayers through this testing. We pray that she is calm and that she does indeed respond when is aware of a sound. At times the fear takes over and I know she is not responding accurately. So, our greatest prayer is that she respond accurately so that we have the best possible info to work with. We do begin therapy 2 times a week beginning this Friday. Basically the therapist is going to try several means of communication and we are going to figure out what works best for Sallie. Aaron, Elleigh, and I will begin sign language classes in Jan so that we can use sign to the extent we need to with her. We are not giving up! We are still going to do everything we can to do what is best for her-whatever that means. We know that we serve a God who is able to do anything and if it is His plan for her to verbally communicate then she will and if He has other plans for her then He will be glorified through that and we will accept that. I know this post is already so long but this is my journal and I know we have some prayer warriors who read this and we need all the prayers we can get. We will be traveling about 30 miles each way for therapy 2 days a week and one day we have to be there early and will have to fight traffic so our travels each week is another prayer. Just pray, please!

All of this to say, that this year I am more THANKFUL for Thanksgiving than ever before. I was forced to think about the things I have to be THANKFUL for (and it was at a time I really needed to be forced) and there is so much I have to be thankful for that it was difficult to come up with a list that was not incredibly long. No matter how tough life seems right now I am THANKFUL.
I have said this a million times before but I will say it again. I can never thank God enough for giving me my husband. I can't imagine dealing with all this with any one other than Aaron. As hard as this all may be, we draw closer together through it all because we draw closer to God.
I am thankful for friends and family who accept Sallie. I will be honest the older she gets the harder her acceptance becomes. I have had several incidents lately in public of people looking at her like she was crazy because she tried to "talk" to them. It upsets me so badly I can't explain it and I just want to tell them what I think but I know that God made her and it doesn't matter what they think. She is His and He has given her to me for now!
I am thankful for a church that has taken us in and is so good to us and that God has placed us there. There are so many who wait so long to have their first full time church and we feel very blessed that God has led us there before Aaron graduates.
I am thankful for all my girls. They are all so different and have different strengths and weaknesses and am thankful that God entrusted them all to us! They all bring me joy every day!
I am thankful for provisions in so many ways.
I am thankful for life and for all the things that Sallie is able to do that we once thought she might not be able to.

When Sallie was in the NICU they took her picture and made cards for the parents which said Happy Thanksgiving from your little blessing. Sallie was stronger than they ever knew and we were home with her before Thanksgiving but that card still hangs on my fridge as a daily reminder of my blessings and of how strong she is, and of how far she has come. I need to see that. I need to remember to find what I have to be THANKFUL for every day not just on Thanksgiving!